quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
