I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Randomize
