Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
