so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just got carded by a ten year old.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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