I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
