Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
