I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize