She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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