I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
The Olympian is in my bed
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
