Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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