Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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