My sheets look like a crime scene.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
