now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
then he tried to convert me to islam
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
