I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
