my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
