My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize