Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
