just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
