I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
