I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
