The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
