i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
