I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
