My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
