...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
they need to just BURY HIM!
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
