Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
