You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She's the barista slut.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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