yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
