I think I am morally bankrupt
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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