you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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