Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
