id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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