i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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