from now on my penis is your penis
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dear god my vagina.
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