A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I think my nap took me to another dimension
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
