New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Girls should come with a carfax report
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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