So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
