There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
