I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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