if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
