It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
