an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
