i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
