the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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