A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
