I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Randomize
