just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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