I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
