I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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