then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize