Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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