It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
