just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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