And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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