Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
