My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I wanna passion pit in your ass
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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