wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
