we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
