Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
