So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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