I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
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