I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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