Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
