I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize