I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
