i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
