you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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