So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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